Kick the tires and light the fires big daddy

OK, took a bit of screaming at my machine to get everything lined up, but the new site is open.

From here on in, please check out the new one and correct your links if your blog/site was (ever so kindly) linking over to this one -


Nude underneath my clothes

So, yeah, I've been bad. Hockey season is just getting churned up and I disappear. Sorry about that; the result of being stretched in a million different directions at once.

I've not stopping blogging though. Seriously. I'm more focusing on getting the other site ready for opening night so I'm going to go ahead and go dark on this site the rest of the way. The next post will link over to the new site and you good blogger individuals can change your links and we can have a grand old love in.

In the meantime, enjoy those preseason games, rampant groin pulls, pylons on tryouts and Vigneault chuckles for the next two weeks. I'll be back shortly.


Damn Yankee

My humble apologies...I've been doing that whole work thang the past few weeks which has involved a liberal amount of travel, leaving me to rely on the ball of chain of corporate America (the Canadian BlackBerry naturally) to follow the Canucks and the rest of the NHL through pre-pre-preseason.

I can say, however, in the next few weeks I will wrap up my NW preview ending with the Vancouver season preview of sorts before I switch this blog over to the new site (hint hint) and then we'll be full throttle for October 5th and the Sharks.

In the meantime, I'm going to ignore the fact that our vaunted defense is ALREADY injured and focus on that lovely clock in the top corner of the page. It's just clicking right on down isn't it...Oh Dave, you are one for drama aren't you? Here's hoping Raymond Mason is the second coming of Gretzky, Christ and the Rescue Rangers all rolled into one.



You call this a jersey? It doesn't even have your name on the front of it! Nice try asshats, it'll look great on you when Aucoin goes through his first groin injury, you spend most of the winter months losing on the road and Keenan pegs Tanguay with a cup full of ice in the face and then screams how he's going to skullfuck his mom's eyesocket's after he rips them out with a spoon...all because Alex looked at him. Yikes.

Also, the Sharks are officially out of their minds and I am 100% certain now they will not make the Cup finals. But, hey, he can do this. Clearly worth a cool $500,000.


The new Canucks logo!

So, after all the secrecy, stalling and what feels like a wait of over a year, it's finally here.

Yes..."it" is finally here.

What's "it"?

"It" is the amazing, astonishing, astounding, fabulous, fantastic, fantastical, incredible, marvelous, miraculous, phenomenal, prodigious, stupendous, unbelievable, wonderful, wondrous new Vancouver Canucks jersey:

(Image courtesy of the good people at canucks.com)

For comparison, here's your friend and mine Luongo in the old (is it still vintage? I'm lost already) vintage jersey:

What's that you ask? What's the big difference? Good enough fair web reader, let's put them side by side:

(click for enlargement por favor)

So, as you can see, the big difference is...it now says Vancouver. Scoff all you want, I see the genius of this: it's a gentle reminder to the opposition of who is about to kick their stupid asses from one end of the rink to the other. Sheer brilliance.

Also, the whale remains, though it may be slightly different. I mean, if you've seen a killer whale suddenly burst out of the letter "C" once and go for your throat, you've seen them all right? No no I must be wrong. Perhaps he has a new name; let's call him "Chuck". Chuck the alphabet-killing highly irritable whale. Yes, we're on to something now.

OK, on to the good old stick-in-rink logo that is now permanently on the shoulders, leaving precious little room to include Johnny Canuck on there. And no more black unis I guess either.

So...yeah...there you go. That's all it was about. It's not totally new nor totally awful. In fact, if you will, "it is what it is". HA! I kill me.

You can should now gleefully go back to wondering how the hell this team is going to score goals in about five weeks time when the Sharks (who, by the way, have no problem scoring) roll into town.

If you're hungry for more visuals, I'd recommend:

- Canucks.com for a Flash gallery (and the first picture includes a rather attractive young blond....alright web guys at canucks.com, good pick!).
- Tsn.ca has it on their homepage with Naslund in an oddly reminiscent "we choked" stance on the ice.
- The Province has a gallery of images for ya.
- Sportsnet.ca is kind enough to remind us how much the jerseys will friggin cost.
- Lucky lady
Miss604 was there for it.


Peering over the shoulder at the Flames

Only one other team is capable of mustering up the amount of sheer bile and zealous hatred down to the marrow of my being as much as the Calgary Flames can. And that was all before Keenan showed up. So this year will be a hoot.

More to the point though, gentle reader, is that the Flames didn't exactly get any weaker this summer. They didn't make a massive splash like the mullets did (and you're on crack if you think Owen Nolan is a savior of any sort), but when you line up against the likes of the punk Iginla, the goof Phaneuf and frumpy-looking Kiprusoff, you're just not allowed to take take many shifts lightly. So let's take a look down the red mile and see what the Flames got.

Forwards - Dustin Boyd, Craig Conroy, Carsen Germyn, Eric Godard, Kristian Huselius, Jarome Iginla, Daymond Langkow, Matthew Lombardi, David Moss, Marcus Nilson, Owen Nolan, Eric Nystrom, Wayne Primeau, Brandon Prust, Grant Stevenson, Alex Tanguay, Andrei Taratukhin and Stephane Yelle
Comments - Iginla, Tanguay and Langkow remain the constant threats and are supported by Lombardi, Conroy and Huselius. Sidenote - I find it hard to fathom that Keenan, even with his inherent ability to go where no coach has gone before, is going to tear Huselius, who lead the team in PP goals, a new one now that he's productive. Amonte is gone and presumably replaced in part by Nolan and that has car wreck written all over it. Despite that, guys like Moss, Kobasew and Nilson will provide even more energy for Calgary giving them four pretty decent lines. I'll admit the Flames have more firepower then the Canucks (I know, bold statement eh?) but they suffer from the same problem: if some of those core guys cannot find the back of the net on some nights, they will struggle mightily to win consistently.

Defensemen - Adrian Aucoin, Anders Eriksson, Mark Giordano, David Hale, Dion Phaneuf, Robyn Regehr, Cory Sarich and Rhett Warrener
Comments - We know Phaneuf will be a force and Regehr is a good defensive defenseman, but it gets a bit questionable after that. Warrener is fine, but far from lights out and Sarich is, well, an interesting signing. And that brings us to Aucoin and his Jovo-esque groin. Glass half full = Aucoin will more then offset losing Hamrlik and add another layer of hell to a Flames powerplay. Glass half empty = he plays one game on bad ice (Hi Dallas!), his skate gets caught in a rut and he spends the three months questioning his chosen line of employment.

Goalies - Miikka Kiprusoff and Brent Krahn
Comments - I'm not going to bother with Krahn other then to say he's huge, apparently familiar with injuries and you won't see much of him unless the Flames decide to go the route of the 2006-07 Oilers. It's all about Kipper on this team and, though he wasn't lights out last year, he was still good enough to be top five in the league last year. Like Luongo, as long as he's in net he'll give the Flames every chance to win.

Conclusion - Soon you will see every pundit and their mother pick the Avs to run away with the Northwest and then likely followed by a logjam of the Flames, the Wild and the Canucks. I disagree and primarily on the point about the Flames. First, as last season showed, this team gets very streaky and I don't think the supporting staff behind Iginla/Tanguay is that strong to give Keenan constant offensive pressure (although he will have plenty of energy and hitting, I can't emphasize that enough). Additionally, I don't think Aucoin will stay healthy long enough to bolster the blueline which will put added pressure on Kipper to compensate for a weaker defense. Obviously, if this team is as streaky as I think they are, they could easily go on a long winning streak and keep things interesting, but I'm of the mind there's a reason this team just snuck into the playoffs last year and they've done little to improve on that this offseason.


Bottom six bonanza!

He's no Isbister, Shannon or Ritchie...nope, he's only Mr. Canuck who had to deal with a bit of lost love from his own coach before inking a brand spanking new $600,000 one year deal which is most likely his swan song contract.

If you're familiar with how many times Brett Favre teases retirement, then you'll be used to the following, recycled media phrases: "...likely last preseason game", "...could be his last trip to Edmonton" and the ever nauseating "...in what could be his last game at GM Place".

So, yeah, I would end this with asking, yet again, about the other forward lines but that hasn't worked all summer so I'm going to ignore the huge elephant languishing in the corner of the smoking room in the mansion of my mind. Nope, I don't see him.

I'm too busy being bottom six batshit happy that Linden gets one more chance to give us
moments like this.



I could have sworn I've heard this before. Oh RIGHT, it was after the lockout when these two were allegedly being shopped together only for one of them to eventually sign in Vancouver and then try and sweet talk the other to follow him, which meant naturally they ended up as far apart geographically as the continent of North America and its tectonic plate permit.

He's not coming here, give it up. If he does, I'll eat a puck. Or an entire rabbit. I don't care, you choose.


Peering over the shoulder at the Avalanche

As the summer inches ever closer to some NHL preseason, I thought I'd take a little time to review those other filthy, rotten pillow-biters in our league who want to challenge the Canucks for the Northwest title this year.

(note: I say pillow-biters with the utmost respect.)

So let's start with a team every Vancouver fan simply loves to hate down to the fiber of their being: the Colorado Avalanche.

Tyler Arnason, Andrew Brunette, Ben Guite, Milan Hejduk, Jaroslav Hlinka, Matt Hussey, Ian Laperriere, Cody McCormick, Scott Parker, Brad Richardson, Mark Rycroft, Joe Sakic, Ryan Smyth, Paul Stastny, Chris Stewart, Marek Svatos, Wojtek Wolski
Well.....shit. For a guy who's had a ticker in the corner of his blog all summer waiting patiently for his team to get a valid, legitimate scorer, putting the Avs forwards together in one sentence is infuriating. Sakic, Brunette, Stastny, Hejduk, Wolski and Svatos will do plenty of damage for this team. And that's before I even bring up Ryan "fuck the Island" Smyth. Arnason found a pulse last year, Laperriere is effective in his punishing ways and Richardson and Guite are decent plug and play guys. This team has no reason not to put in two to three goals most nights. Ugh. Excuse me while I punch myself in the face.

Johnny Boychuk, Brett Clark, Kyle Cumiskey, Jeff Finger, Scott Hannan, Jordan Leopold, John-Michael Liles, Kurt Sauer, Karlis Skrastins.
Thankfully, the Colorado defense is not as deep as the front. Hannan is certainly a rock and will be a fan favorite in Denver in about four seconds, but Leopold and Liles had a host of injuries last year. Clark was solid, but question marks remain with Sauer and Skrastins. If the injury bugs sweeps through their defense again this year, the forwards will need to score two-three a night.

Peter Budaj, Jose Theodore
2002 must feel like an eon ago for poor Jose. I'm not sure what the locals feel about Theodore, but maybe it's a bit like Vancouver felt about Bertuzzi a few years ago: something like "Ahhh, come on, so he's a shell of his former self, he can still bounce back!". Good luck with that. Budaj was their horse last year, but if he stumbles, then those forwards will need to score four-five a night.

First, be sure and click here to get your laugh on.

OK, with that out of the way, the Avs arguably upgraded this summer far better then almost any team (including the revolting Rangers who we'll be ignoring). Smyth and Sakic and pick any other winger and you really, really don't want to go a man down on this team too often, I don't care who's in net. The defense is decent, but the true weakness is in obviously in net. If Budaj can carry the water most of the year, this team has no right not making the playoffs again and challenging for the division title. As a Canucks fan, I can only hope the defense crumbles and the goalies resort to sucking...otherwise the Avs will be a force no matter which way you view it.


Getting legless and chucking a sickie

Alanah has started a very bad thing: forcing everyone to confess they are closet boozehounds. No sweat for some of us. And I'm no different.

In fact, let's get nuts. Since I think NHL players are a step above the rest of professional athletes, I'm just going to go leaguewide and find some
wingmen...those who would pick up the tab...drinking partners.

- Jose Theodore, but honestly I just want to grab his cell phone and drunk dial some celebs.
- Jim Vandermeer, but that's because he's related to an ex-GF of mine and I want some updated stories.
Blue Jackets
- David Vyborny is one of the most underrated guys out there; hence he's an underrated drinker. Long Island Ice Teas until dawn Davey.
- Has to be Ville Nieminen. You wouldn't want to drink with the joker? Yes you would, stop lying you lushes!
- Andre the Giant did 119 bottles of beer in one night. I'll grab a table Chara, you have a long night ahead of ya.
- Niinimaa. Sure, he's awful, but I would think that would make him humble. And, better still, have a mental breakdown after round six.
- Matt Cooke. Every player hates him, every opposing fan wants him dead and yet he's constantly smirking. I want to know the joke.
- Just edging out Ovechkin (you know he's got to be funny after some ice block shots)...the one, the only...Donald Brashear.
- OK Jovocop, a shot per every groin injury you've had in your professional career. We'll be home by 7:00 PM, in bed by 7:05.
- John Madden because he looks like a funny fuck who'd play jokes on other people in the pub.
- I know he's new, but Todd Bertuzzi. I'm not explaining this if you don't get it. Hate him all you want, you know he'd be a funny drunk.
Flames - Darren McCarty. We're going to a biker bar too. Toothless ladies, some hogs and McCarty pounding a cowboy over an argument between the virtues of Memphis versus Branson? Sounds like a delightful romp!
- Jason Smith because I want the real deal on the aslyum that is the Oilers.
- I would say Staal but the lad can barely have a good bachelor party. So it's Mike Commodore, but only if he gets the fro back in style.
- Aaron Asham because he looks like he would go straight for shots. No chasers.
- Dan Cloutier. He may end up killing me, but it's worth it. I have some fucking questions for the guy.
- Martin St. Louis purely because he's my height and thus my ego gets a small boost. Hell, I may even pay for a round.
Maple Leafs
- Wade Belak. Hey, if you're going to grab a few with an NHL player, why not a massive, overly tattooed goon?
- Ales Hemsky. He's about the only Oiler I can stomach watching. And the poor guy isn't leaving Edmonton for a long, long time. In fact, we may need to bypass the bar and drive headlong into some kerosene.
- Salei. It's a stretch here, but he's got the Soviet-block origins going for him. Plus I want the Mike Modano face plant story from 1999 in person.
- Malkin is close, but Ruutu? I'm laughing right now just thinking about drinks with him and I'm sober!
- All 5'8'' of Jordin Tootoo. Sure, it's the height thing again, but oh yeah, the dude's batshit insane too (make sure you get to the 2:18 mark to watch Iginla get his ass handed to him).
- Fedor Tyutin because he looks like a wise ass and he's Russian so he'll be up for drinking anytime. Like Salei, it's in his DNA (that rhymes sucka).
Red Wings
- Tomas Holstrom primarily because he and Zetterberg are the only players I don't want to strap a stick of dynamite to and light the match with a cigarette (completed by a snazzy one liner like "you just earned your wings kid").
- I can't deny a few with Campbell. I'll get him to crack and admit that hit on Umberger made him snicker a bit.
- No contest, it has to be Ray Emery. He just seems like he would have funny stories. Plus he's probably suave with the ladies.
- Christian Ehrhoff so I can explain to him the finer points of power play points and their importance to those who pick him in fantasy hockey.
- Mike Modano. I am told I should like him but I don't. Maybe if I hang out with him that'll change my mind? I'll certainly warm up to the idea if he drags Willa Ford into the roadhouse.
- Hedberg. I've been a fan of this guy for years and he strikes me as a hysterical drunk.
- Brian Rolston. I'm sorry Canuck fans, but this goal was sick. You can almost hear Luongo curse Rolston's mother.

Honorable mention
- Ed Belfour (obviously) and Cale Hulse but, really, it's for his award-winning wife.


I'm not stopping until a Cup is won

A year ago this blog concept started with, well, no real point other then to stop leaving my inane rants on other people's blogs. 169 posts later and no one has shot me. Meaning you all have terrible aim.

A short recap in the life of TYC:

- a spot on look at a Vancouver team everyone thought would suck
- the first of what would become likely way too many drunk blogs
- had too much fun mocking other players including fellow Canuckers
- being eternally linked to Taylor Pyatt no matter what I do
- having 15 seconds of fame
- being charitable enough to care and vocal enough when the hate was appropriate
- getting a massive spike in traffic from the delay in the new Canuck logo

My first rant recapped the terrible trade acquisitions from the previous year (Mika Noronen is still dead to me) so, in sticking with tradition, let's punch the heifer again shall we?

Bryan Smolinski signs a one year deal with the Montreal Canadians
Smoke, we hardly knew yee. He did serve briefly as a second line pivot for Naslund, but then dropped back a bit and eventually got 7 points in 20 games. He did provide some key offense for the Canucks in the ever-painful first round series against the Stars, but then managed to disappear in the second round (as did much of the squad) against the Ducks. I never really minded Smolinski; he wasn't lights out for the Canucks but certainly wasn't terrible, so he's a good definition of what happens with most rental players.

Brent Sopel is at home picking his ass
I'm sure someone like the Wings, Isles or even Tampa will throw money at Brent and his high hair care needs. I don't care; if you've read this blog at all during the playoffs, you'll know I don't like Sopel. People can claim he's a top four defenseman all they want, but his production is .25% off from his best season in 2003-04 and, when our team was floundering on offensive in two playoff rounds, Sopes notched precisely 0 points in 11 games (he missed one game because he can't hold a cracker). He brought very little to the team in his second tour and I hope the new rule is he can only return to the franchise after he retires for some back office job.

Honestly, thanks to all of you who read this from time to time and enjoy (or hate) what you see. I do this with no other goal other then to have some fun and it's made all the better by you good people. I think some hockey bloggers and fans out there are some of the nicest, intelligent and dedicated fans I've ever seen and it's nice to be a part of all of this. So thank you all again and let's get ready for another year of the best damn sport there is.


Another Fitzy in the fray

If nothing else, here's hoping that Zack can pull a Rory and mess up the "All Star Game". Also, as the link indicates, the ghost is officially in the fold.

You may recall that Vancouver got Balej when they found a kind soul in my backyard named Sather to take the idiot Fedor Fedorov off our hands.

You may recall it was Fedorov who got his over hyped ass handed to him by Bieksa who would later turn out to be anything but over hyped.

You may recall it was Bieksa who was drafted 151st in the 2001 draft, the same draft that the Canucks took R. J. Umberger with their first pick.

You may recall that it was Umberger who was moved to Philly after playing hardball with the Canucks for a few years and promptly got p'wned by Brian Campbell in the 2005-06 playoffs.

You may recall it was Campbell's team, the Buffalo Sabres, who went on to p'wn the Flyers and it was one Rory Fitzpatrick who got an assist on the Vanek goal in his only game played during that series.

And, finally, you may recall it was sir Rory who I started this post out with as he has now been replaced by another Fitzy in the Vancouver system. The circle is complete.

Now...about that new logo?