Gambling With Humans, Part V

Let's take a crack at the D-men who are about to fall in love with the free market economy when they hit it big in two weeks (take THAT all you socialist/marxist pig dogs with your poor blueliners).

Ahem...in any event, as the Ducks just showed the league, it really doesn't hurt to have a huge mobile defensive core that can shut down top lines and seemingly score at will if need be. The Canucks defense last year was, arguably, its best in recent memory as Mitchell's defensive responsibility coupled with the emergence of Bieska's game made losing Jovo-cop far easier to swallow. Salo picked up his offensive game a bit more (despite another season of random injuries) and Ohlund is still the blueline rock that forced Quinn to block the Leafs from plucking him away back in 1997 (ugh, can you imagine?). However, the jury is still out on Krajicek’s development, Fitzpatrick may or may not return while it seems doubtful that Sopel will return (thank you Dave!) so some upgrades/warm bodies will need to be made.

Let's take a gander at the crème de la crème of the UFA defensemen this year...again, using likely salary demands as the gauge. In a glove tap to my own heritage and fictional neighbors The Sopranos leaving TVland this week, I will litter my analysis with mob slang (and for those of you who did see the finale, it was damned good, don't give me any crap). Let's go:

Kimmo Timonen - He would look molto bello lined up next to Ohlund
Brad Stuart - Strunzo, I'm not sold on him at all and certainly not at $5 million a season.
Sheldon Souray - Montreal will/should hang on to him; if not, he'll get bank in another city
Brian Rafalski - Here I go dreaming again; besides, who better to defend in front of Lui then a guy who's been doing it in front of Marty?
Roman Hamrlik - Pretend he's on a line with Salo; great on the PP, potentially combustible at all other times.
Scott Hannan - Pretend he's on a line with Mitchell; great on the PK/even strength, miserable on the PP. Oy, the agita.
Andrei Markov - Madonn, a PP quarterback? I forget, do we need one of them?
Danny Markov
Tom Preissing
Craig Rivet
Mathieu Schneider - A fun thought that'll never actual occur in this shared plain of reality we call Earth
Darryl Sydor - Stewie, what's that you smell?
Aaron Miller
Andy Sutton - Biblical size jamook right here
Cory Sarich

This next group should be the more affordable of the bunch, between the $1,000,000 - $2,000,000 range per year:

Greg De Vries
Brent Sopel
Sean O'Donnell
Jaroslav Modry
Bryan Berard
Teppo Numminen - If you ignore his age, could be a great fit and vital for a PP that doesn't exist
Brad Lukowich - Not a bad choice if Sopes/Fitzy leave
Tom Poti - More of an offensive upside then Lukowich, but shutting guys down could be a problem
Patrice Brisebois
Ossi Vaananen
Daniel Tjarnqvist
Martin Skoula - Could be a Bieska in hiding, could be a Chouinard in hiding too
Vitaly Vishnevski - F'ing mortadella
Glen Wesley
Nolan Pratt
Bryan Muir

And as for the KIA-brand defensemen of the group this year there’s:

Alain Nasreddine, Alex Brooks, Anders Eriksson, Bobby Allen, Brad Ference, Brad Norton, Chris Chelios (che bruta although I know a certain someone who secretly loves him down deep inside), Dan McGillis, David Koci, David Printz, David Tanabe, Derrick Walser, Eric Cairns, Greg Zanon, Ian Moran, Jamie Heward, Jamie Rivers, Jan Hejda, Janne Niinimaa (facia bruta), Jason Strudwick, Jason York, Jim Fahey, Jiri Fischer (sia bene), Joe DiPenta, Joel Bouchard, Joel Kwiatkowski, Jon Klemm, Josef Melichar, Ken Klee, Kent Huskins, Luke Richardson, Lwarence Nycholat, Martin Grenier, Micki Dupont, Mike Weaver, Nathan Dempsey, Ric Jackman, Rob Scuderi, Sean Hill, Shane Hnidy, Sheldon Brookbank, Thomas Pock, Tomas Mojzis and Yannick Tremblay (Va fa napole).

UFA Defensemen
Will break bank/move contracts for: Timonen, Rafalski, Hannan
Hold your breath and pray: Numminen, Markov
Go nuts, but don't expect much: Lukowich, Poti
Plan a project: Skoula
Look fondly at Manitoba: Edler, Rahimi, McIver, Ryan, Fortunus, Wood, Coulombe, Rullier, Koltsov (Omsk Avangard), Bourdon (QMJHL), Fredheim (NCAA)
Just get a warm body: Fitzpatrick, Ference, Jackman, Klee, Hill and Akuma if he's free and stops wandering around trying to kill Ryu. Because, honestly, if you're going to have a ninja on skates helping to defend and add some punch to the man advantage, it should at least be the angriest ninja out there.

MySpace returns for two

Life has been hectic the past few days so my apologies in getting to this late, but as expected, Taylor Pyatt is no Anson Carter. Pyatt will make $1.5 $1.75 million a year, thereby more then doubling his previous $700,000 from last year, lucky guy. But honestly, if you are coming off your best season (23 goals and 14 assists) and can skate a few more years with Tomax and Xamot, why would you leave anyway? He can pad his resume for two more seasons and then jump into the UFA pool and bank big so it makes sense all around.

Moreover, for some reason that I am convinced centers on a cosmic-kick-to-the-groin, sir Pyatt and his girlfriend have driven quite a good deal of traffic my way. Don’t believe me? Think again. So thank you all you Vancouver tween fans that have Pyatt fever. And naturally thank you Taylor. You go big dog.

In other news, Sir Nonis seems to enjoy what he did last year (snagging Lui from a drunken Keenan) that he fancies doing it again. Sadly we don’t have a moody brutish winger to offload on a starry eyed GM for someone who can f’ing score, but as long as he doesn’t move Luongo, I don’t care who he brings in as long as they can score. Well, that’s not true…I do care as long as it’s not some people.

Lastly...oh what the hell, why not? It sure beats watching the punk Pronger get his filthy hands on it.

Gambling with Humans, Part IV

What an opportune time to look at the goaltending possibilities for Vancouver in the upcoming free agency period.

What's that you say? "We have Luongo so why even bother?" Well, because first it would be a poor investment strategy on management's behalf to play him damn near 80 games a year yet again and, moreover, he's one groin pull/concussion/puck to the throat/errant Nagy crease crashing disaster away from sinking the hopes of the team that is built around him.

Secondly, as the Province notes this morning, Sabby is going to test the shallow end of the free agency pool. I do like the guy so more power to him if he bolts, particularly if he finds a GM who wants to pay him more then $450,000 a year because he did his job for three minutes in a playoff game. In fact, he should just head to LA now because I feel confident he can give their crew a run for their money.

So, if Sabby flies the coop, what is left out there to buddy up with Luongo and keep that bench warm?

J.S. Giguere - Not a chance in hell
Niklas Backstrom - See above; although it would be fun to screw the Wild by getting him
Curtis Joseph - FORE!
Dominik Hasek - I really don't care what this man does
David Aebischer - See above
Kevin Weekes - No reunion here
Mathieu Garon - Not bad backup if he wants it at a substantial discount
Robert Esche - Same issue as Garon plus carries some injury woes

Rounding out the cheaper options include:

Brian Boucher, Dany Sabourin, Ed Belfour, Jamie McLennan, JS Aubin, Jocelyn Thibault, Jussi Markkanen, Karl Goehring, Mike Dunham, Mike Smith, Scott Clemmensen, Sean Burke, Ty Conklin, Wade Dubielewicz and Wade Flaherty.

At the end of the day it's not going to matter much since, for the first time in this fan's tenure of a Canuck fan, the crease isn't a problem. But it's good to be thorough so...

UFA Goalies
Will break bank/move contracts for: No one. See redundancy for more detail.
Hold your breath and pray: Smith
Go nuts, but don't expect much: Boucher, McLennan, JS Aubin
Plan a project: Goehring, Dubielewicz
Look fondly at Manitoba: Ellis, Flaherty, Grumet-Morris, MacIntyre. Also that Schneider bloke out in beantown.
Just get a warm body: Clemmensen (he knows the score), Flaherty, Dunham and Shredder because he can double as an maintenance guy (skate sharpening, quick stitch jobs, bench security, haiku's) while he sits and waits. Plus his blades will impale the pucks to reduce rebounds and any crease crashers will be murdered.

Bliznak'ed!

Mario Bliznak, drafted by the Vancouver Canucks in the 7th round (205th overall) in 2005 and just recently helping the Vancouver Giants win the Memorial Cup last weekend (yes, a B.C. team can win it all in hockey if properly prodded), has inked his first professional contract this afternoon. Yes with the Canucks.

Sure, go ahead, get excited. With a last name like that, I eagerly await the goals going in by the bucketful.

"In 2006-07, the 6’0”, 200 lbs. native of Trencin, Slovakia appeared in 47 regular season games with the Vancouver Giants of the Western Hockey League, recording 22 points (8-14-22) and 20 penalty minutes. In the WHL playoffs, Bliznak played in all 22 games with the Giants, notching 12 points (6-6-12) and 14 penalty minutes, helping lead his team to the WHL Finals for the second consecutive season." -- canucks.com press release.

Gambling with Humans, part III

Leading the charge for the Canucks down the left wing is a solid 1-2 punch with Naslund and Daniel; that is if you assume Naslund gets his groove back in what will be the final year of his contract and can play like he did in the post season and Daniel plans on leading the team in goals again. Otherwise it's just a cool footnote for Ornskoldsvik and annoying for the rest of us.

Couple in the upcoming UFA issues with potential ex-Canucks in both Pyatt and Bulis not to mention pluggers Cowan and Green and, son of a bitch, we find yet another hole in the Canuck forward ranks. Get your gambling hats on then for the crop of left wingers we can likely eliminate based on salary but still drool at and imagine wearing whatever the hell the new Canuck uniform will be next season:

Ryan Smyth - A fun idea, but if not the Island, he'll get his millions somewhere to be sure.
Paul Kariya - Another fun idea to bring a B.C. boy home, but should ultimately cost too much. Unless he wants another Coloroado-esque discount?
Ladislav Nagy - I will projectile vomit all year if I have to see him on a consistent basis.
Jason Blake - I fear someone is going to give him a fat contract and then watch him do nothing for the first two years of it. It would be fantastic if that person isn't Nonis.
Keith Tkachuk - Don't you want to golf all year with your boy Roenick?
Vycheslav Kozlov - If the vet can stay healthy, he would be a decent target.
Brendan Shanahan - Not a chance in hell he'll leave Broadway for B.C.

Running in the middle of the UFA LW crop is:

Kyle Calder - Still a project as he enters his 7th year.
Taylor Pyatt - Breakout year as the third Sedin and reportedly wants to stay in Vancouver.
Richard Zednick - Not quite as dominant as he once was; haircut alone means he should stay in Long Island.
Gary Roberts - I'm just not a fan of guys over 40 taking a slot. Something tells me Vigneault feels the same way.
Ruslan Fedotenko - This guy could flourish as the third Sedin; has the skills but needs to eat some Wheaties over the summer months.
Jan Bulis - Jan Jan Jan...you have as many pros and you do cons. Damn you for making my decision making process more annoying.
Kirk Maltby - Nope.
Chris Simon - Hahahaha...but seriously no.

Finally, the sub 7-figure class:

Antti Laaksonen, Bates Battaglia, Boyd Kane, Brad Isbister, Brad Larsen, Brad May, Dan LaCouture, Dean McAmmond, Denis Arkhipov, Eric Boulton, Jeff Cowan, Jeff Friesen, Jon Sim, Josh Green, Marcus Nilson, Martin Gelinas, Mathieu Darche, Matt Ellis, Nils Ekman, Noah Clarke, Pascal Dupuis, Peter Sejna, Ramzi Abid, Riley Cote, Todd Fedoruk, Ville Nieminen and Vladamir Orszagh.

Now that I look at it, there's a lot of LW's I'd love to gamble with here, but then again that whole salary cap thing will get in the way. So, how does this grab ya?

UFA Left Wingers
Will break bank/move contracts for: Kozlov & Kariya
Hold your breath and pray: Pyatt
Go nuts, but don't expect much: Battaglia, Cowan, Green
Plan a project: Fedotenko, Ekman, Orszagh, Arkhipov.
Look fondly at Manitoba: Jaffray, Hansen (LW/RW), Raymond, Bouck
Just get a warm body: Laaksonen, Gelinas, McAmmond, Dupuis (ugh, we better be very desperate) and General Zod because he's one of the best bad guys ever who coincidentally is running for president of my country in 2008 and already has my real vote and stolen vote in Florida. Doubling up!

UPDATE - Sounds like Nonis is taking the breath holding and prayer approach.

Gambling with humans, part II

The last time you saw your beleagured Canucks, Pyatt, Linden, Hansen, and Reid all lined up as right wingers. I know, it puts the fear of an angry god on a drunken bender into your soul doesn't it?

So netting a decent right winger wouldn't kill right? Let's roll the dice and gamble with humans again. Based on the salary they'll command alone, the following UFA RW's can be eliminated from the hunt:

Teemu Selanne - Burke's not letting him leave; he deserves his final years to be a Duck anyway. Unless the Jets suddenly reappear again.
Dainius Zubrus - Intriguing option for the Sedins, but not at $4 million.
Bill Guerin - I'd say just go to Phoenix but even Wayne may not want you.
Todd Bertuzzi - I'm not even addressing this.

Assuming Nonis I have one to two million to blow on the right side, then there are guys like:

Scott Hartnell - Teams will jump on him like a two dollar whore at a Duke lacrosse frat party. What, too soon?
Mike Johnson - Has decent numbers when in Phoenix a few seasons ago.
Mark Recchi - Will likely stay with the baby Pens anyway.
Scott Walker - It would be a nice homecoming for this sparkplug but has had injury problems.
Tony Amonte - No, but feel free to languish in cowtown for another year.
Owen Nolan - Whatever you're selling, we're not buying.
Peter Bondra - If it was JUST two years ago the name alone would sell me.
Anson Carter - When the Blue Jackets don't want you and the defending Cup champs bench you down the stretch, it's evidence that you've been crushed by your massive ego.

As for the rest of the sub one-million-dollar class:

Aaron Downey, Alexander Mogilny, Arron Asham, Ben Guite, Brad Tapper, Darren McCarty, Denis Hamel, Eric Meloche, Grant Marshall, Jason Ward, Jed Ortmeyer, Jeff Hoggan, Josh Langfeld, JP Vigier, Lee Goren, Mark Rycroft, Matthew Barnaby, Niko Dimitrakos, Pat Leahy, Petr Tenkrat, Radek Dvorak, Reed Low, Rob DiMaio, Ronald Petrovicky, Scott Parker, Shawn Thornton and Tom Kostopoulos.

That all said, this meager lad's opinion is:

UFA Right Wingers
Will break bank/move contracts for: Walker & Hartnell
Hold your breath and pray: Johnson
Go nuts, but don't expect much: Dvorak
Plan a project: Petrovicky & Dimitrakos. Technically Mogilny too as it would involve a hip transplant and a time machine.
Look fondly at Manitoba: Schultz, Grabner, Hansen and Brown.
Just get a warm body: Marshall, Ortmeyer, Asham or Cobra Commander (the latter gets bonus points if he uses motivational talk in the locker room between periods like, "I shall be waiting to reward your genius or have you beheaded for terminal stupidity! I have spoken.")

Gambling with humans, part I

...MMMMKAY...

Nature abhors a vacuum, capri pants, non-alcoholic beer and Avril Lavigne. But primarily vacuums. So, since there's no Vancouver news I'm just going to make some up by playing the gambler Dave Nonis for a little bit.

Ergo, as the grand pooba of the Canuck clan, I am still a little peeved with that second round bad tequila taste left in my omnipotent mouth. For this team to not just make the playoffs but win convincingly (i.e. score) it's going to take some work.

Let's take a look at the upcoming UFA centers first and see how they can fit into the Vancouver plans, if at all. Right off the bat we can eliminate:

Scott Gomez - Out of budget
Stu Barnes - Fading fast
Eric Belanger
Viktor Kozlov - Wasn't terribly effective in the Devils defense-first system
Wayne Primeau
Wes Walz - Your years on Minnesota have stained my view of you. Go away. Far away. Florida has a team I hear.
Peter Forsberg - No. No no no.
Petr Sykora - See Forsberg.
Nik Antropov - Even the Leafs aren't that stupid to let him go, right?
Eric Lindros - It's simply adorable you're still trying.
Ian Laperriere - We have enough fourth liners.
Jeff O'Neill - A few years too late for top dollar.
Bryan Smolinski - Just not the best fit.
Chris Drury - Out of budget.
Daniel Briere - Out of budget.
Pierre Turgeon - Linden can play the aging warrior role.

With those guys gone, that leaves:

Brett McLean - Small, but shows he can score with third line duties
Jozef Stumpel - Can certainly score, but age/injuries will be a factor
Michael Peca - Offers plenty of intangibles, including his own injuries
Michal Handzus - Torn ACL stopped what looked like a great year for Chicago
Mike Comrie - Potentially best asset would be angering Oil fans
Mike York - Are his best days ahead or behind him?
Patrik Stefan - Has "project" written all over it
Radek Bonk - If he would only learn to use his size...
Robert Lang - Questionable worth ethic may drive Vigneault nuts
Todd White - Would he be another become another Chouinard?
Tyler Arnason - Rebounded last year, but can he do it again?
Yanic Perreault - Great defensively, but could be run over repeatedly by the opposition.

Lastly, there are a ton of guys who likely would command less then a million bucks a year:

Adam Mair, Andreas Karlsson, Boyd Devereaux, Byron Ritchie, Carl Corazinni, Craig MacDonald, Eric Boguniecki, Eric Perrin, Erik Rasmussen, Glen Metropolit, Jason Morgan, Jason Wiemer, Jeff Hamilton, Jeremy Reich, Jeremy Roenick, Jerred Smithson, Jim Dowd, Josef Vasicek, Mark Cullen, Mark Hartigan, Mark Smith, Marty Murray, Matt Hussey, Michael Holmqvist, Michael Ryan, Mike Glumac, Mike Ricci, Peter Nedved, Randy Robitaille, Scott Nichol, Serge Payer, Toby Peterson, Tommi Santala, Travis Green, Trent Whitefield, and Wyatt Smyth.

Lots of names and very few dollars to play with, so obviously sir Nonis would use a matrix to figure this out right? Well he uses mine now:

UFA Centers
Will break bank/move contracts for: Handzus
Hold your breath and pray: Stumpel & Perreault
Go nuts, but don't expect much: Comrie or York
Plan a project: Stefan (overall talent, missing empty netters), Lang (work ethic)
Look fondly at Manitoba: Moran, Smith, Reid, & Rypien
Just get a warm body: Boguniecki, Rasmussen, Ritchie, Metropolit, Vasicek and Cain Marko if he fits in skates.