You'll be a princess in a world full of dragons

It's come time for this bloke to take a holiday. For the next 8 days, I'll be snowboarding some of the best places the Beehive State has to offer. Ironically, the weather says it’ll be almost 70 degrees on some of these days whereas it’ll be in the 30-40’s in the NY metro area. That’s a neat trick.

At any rate, let me first review the Canucks game in Phoenix. It was the first game this year in which I was trying to watch while fighting off the sleep effects of cold medication. I’ll call the fight a draw since I would pass out for ten minutes and then wake up, pass out and wake up…but, it made watching the game interesting. When I first woke up, it was 1-0 and I thought “oh good, they aren’t blowing it”. Then I passed out again, came to, and saw it was 3-0 and I was watching a Daniel take a penalty shot. Color me confused, what the heck was I watching? I suddenly had an idea that drunk blogging could be replaced by OTC blogging…but while it would be neat for me, that would be a terrible read for you folks.

But it was a solid effort last night. It was over basically in the first, but it was a pleasure to see them play to their level and now down to that of their opponent. Sabourin was good again for his second career win and how the heck the Cowman hasn’t cooled off now is beyond me. For the record, I did call the final score though not the goal scorers.

So in light of my second or third correct guess at the score of a game, I’m going to go ahead and try and guess a week of the NHL in my absence. I think the deal should be if I get even 50% of this post correct, someone owes me a cookie (peanut butter or oatmeal raisin), a pint (anything imported, the darker the better) and a nice pat on the head like the good dog I am:

Saturday March 10
- Lecavalier and St. Louis will each score to knock the Flames off at home. Kipper pulls his groin.
- Ottawa will destroy Toronto either 5-1 or 6-2. The Toronto papers will say the Leafs played well and still have plenty of gas in their tank to get the Cup.
- The NHL will suspend Chris Simon for the rest of the season and the first round of the playoffs (if applicable). Or, the NHL will use the silly measurement of measuring the punishment based on the Hollweg’s injury and Simon will, instead, get a five game suspension and 30 minutes of awkwardness that comes from wiping spittle off his face as Colin Campbell screams at him like a red-headed step child.

Sunday March 11
- San Jose will stomp what’s left of the Oilers 4-2
- Colorado and the Wild will go to a shootout; officials eventually agree on of rock-paper-scissors arrangement for the winner
- Canucks will beat the Ducks 3-1; Burke throttles an intern for bringing him a can of Fresca over his normal three fingers of the good stuff.

Monday March 12
- Philly and Phoenix decide to entertain the home crowd by, instead of hockey, reenacting the Battle of the Alamo on ice. Biron will still lose and will be “shot” by the marauding Zbynek Michalek regiment of the fourth platoon. So Phoenix wins.
- St. Louis will beat Calgary by a Lee Stempniak goal. Kipper pulls his groin again.
- Saskin will be gone. Choose your own adventure as to the method of his disposal.

Tuesday March 13
- The Canucks beat the Wild 3-2. Cowan lays out Boogaard, returns to his prone body and lays a “cowan over the shoulder boulder holder” bra on his chest. Then salutes the crowd, pirouettes and skates to the box.
- Detroit tops Nashville in the shootout 4-3. Bertuzzi is seen in a press box eating dry fruit loops and doodling Chris Simon cartoons on spare napkins.

Wednesday March 14
- Pittsburgh plays New Jersey for the 50^th time this season. Malkin thinks trickery first by knocking out Sergei Brylin in the toilet, donning his uniform, scoring on Brodeur in the final minutes of the third and then Russian dances off the ice while Gonchar follows pulling a brown bear on skates wearing a pink hat.
- Colorado embarrasses the Flames 5-2. Kipper pulls his groin. Iginla sits because of a hang nail.

Thursday March 15
- Edmonton beats the Wild 4-3 and promptly return to their post-draft sulking status.
- Dallas beats the Flames 2-1. Kipper and Turco pull their groins and both hold hands as they get carted off the ice.
- Canucks outlast the Blues 4-2. Cowan scores two goals, bras rain down on the ice and one drunk guy goes the next logical step and chucks his girlfriend too. Willie Mitchell picks her up with his stick, the official takes her and puts her in the garbage bin in the official’s box. Isabella sees the whole thing and SWEARS she didn’t chuck a bra out there, but we all remain skeptical.

Friday March 16
- Thrashers top the Rangers. Sutton breaks all of Avery’s teeth.

Saturday March 17
- Wild play the Flames. Everyone pulls their respective groins. Game ends in a 2-1 win for the Flames but the entire arena reeks of Ben Gay.
- Canucks beat the Red Wings 5-4 in OT. Bertuzzi is no where to be seen, but a male fan holds up a “Bert I’m pregnant” sign and no one knows what to do so they leave him be.

I apologize if none of this makes sense…the OTC is kicking in again and…WOW…the colors man. Anyway, have a great week. Go Canucks Go and I’ll check in on Sunday to see how close to the pint I am.

I mentally left yesterday anyway and now can’t get this song out of my head…OH CLARKE.